home.

I have been home about a month now. It's a surreal feeling. I'm not aching to get back to New York, more so to leave my house, as I did at the end of winter break. I am enjoying the relaxation and time spent outside of the city, though I am there once a week.

I forget how truly wonderful and absolutely beautiful my friends are at home. Heather finally came home, and though our relationship has been rather erratic and relatively rocky for quite some time, I was overwhelmingly excited to see her. She has become the Heather I always thought she was, and having her home is comforting. I was shocked at just how much I was looking forward to her return. I was most excited for her out of anyone else, most likely because she was one of few who always made a really conscious effort to see me every break we had. Not that it's imperative that everyone do that; just that it was so incredibly sweet that she did.

Valerie made a comment about her relationships this summer, saying that she was too busy to start something new. I feel forced to agree with her. I feel a sense of comfort coming home and meeting new people who want to get to know me; it's flattering. I just don't have time for some of them, or just don't feel the need to make the time for them, especially not when I am still fascinated by older acquaintances. I shouldn't be as dismissive about it, or rather, so pretentious. I'm sure Alex could prove himself to be interesting if I made a point to go through with potential plans. Coming home to see what could happen with Vinny or Nick just made so much more sense; though I still have yet to see one of them. Seeing Vinny is always confusing because I never know what his situation is, and I never know at what point our relationship will change again. I'm not expecting anything, but I don't know if I should.

My face to face therapy sessions have really showed me just how inappropriate my relationship is with my therapist and how complicated the sessions are because of my diction. She thought I had been sleeping with people when I told her about "hook-ups" I had had, and I had to clarify to her that really, it was never sex. Mostly sleep or overwhelming making out, and for some reason, as always, my clothes just come off. I will never understand that; people just really enjoy taking clothes off when there's no real reason for it. Aside from that, she made a point of telling me that I should sleep around more than I do. I was completely and utterly shocked by this, because it seems like it would be much more destructive than anything else.

On another note: Lesportsac bags are not waterproof. If you get caught in Central Park in a thunderstorm, try to save your cell phone by wrapping it in something that may stay dry. And don't bring all your favorite electronics with you if there's a chance of showers.

À bientôt.