flashbacks.

Looking at Jesse reminds me of all the times at Oasis and my freshman/sophomore years in high school. He has changed so much, really just as a result of growing up. He isn't the scrawny soccer player anymore, now he's got these ridiculously solid arms. Surprises me every time. We go to Joelle's and I'm only planning to stay for a short period of time. I see her and immediately we start talking about the past, about Joel, Dan, Oasis as per usual, Bill, drinking, and basically gossiping about how everyone's lives had turned out. Being there 20 minutes, Dan calls. Then Joel calls.

When Joel shows up I find myself in a very unnerved state. The four of us have our history, and having just heard all the stories about Joel and Joelle's lives, I look at him and see sheer discomfort. What are you doing here, what are we doing here, and how is this okay? He wasn't ok. I knew she lied. Seeing him in that state, as drunk and frustrated, and completely uncomfortable being in that environment, brought back all the years of my being frustrated with whatever girlfriends he had, because they all made him this way. Insane women love him. I couldn't believe that these were people I spent a lot of time with.

I don't understand my relationship with guys like this. I hate their girlfriends for mistreating them, but I never would go as far as to say that it's because I want a relationship with them. It may just be the fact that I enjoy taking care of other people. Or maybe I'm just ridiculous.