my dream estate.

they say i'm no good
and you're no better
but you are better,
because you are not me and you are not stuck here in this half eaten body filled with half constructed dreams
and a desire to know everything there is to know about the sun and the moon and the earth
i cannot escape from these fears of half-success and fears of being what i'm most ashamed of

in my dreams i see my house with its gated driveway and i see our four children to whom i've already given names, specifically chosen so that they would apply to both sexes.
and in my dreams i raise our four children and i wear your ring and you leave me time and time again but i always wear your ring.
and in my dreams i sip red wine and there is a maid who comes to clean my house and i die a little with each smile she gives me.
this is not the life i wanted this is not the life i wanted this is not the life i wanted.
but in my dreams this is the only life i can imagine.
because a life without you wouldn't look like this.